The Response: What Makes Us Feel Inadequate?

Some of you who read ‘What makes us feel inadequate’ asked if I had the answer to the question. Well I am not sure if I do but I shall definitely share with you what I think it is. Our very first role models are usually our parents. They are not simply responsible for passing on their genetic make-up to us but also play a huge role in shaping our belief systems, our values or in other words the basic premise of right and wrong. Children are usually way more observant and intelligent than adults give them the credit for. They tend to pick things from their surroundings as naturally as the furniture picks dust. Little ones start learning a whole lot before the parents or teachers actually begin to sit them down to teach them good from bad. When they see their parents feeling envious because the neighbors are renovating the house, the kids associate this ‘unhappy’ look as an outcome of something negative. The parents portray themselves as victims because they have to curb the temptation and this is precisely how we as young children begin to believe that the inability to financially afford our wants is a shortcoming.

The wiser parents, however, make sure that they teach their kids verbally and more importantly by example, that it is immaterial whether you have the purchasing power to acquire something or not.  What matters is that you share what you have, with the less-privileged. There is nothing wrong with enjoying your hard earned money if you have it, but it would be a little disquieting if that money is the measure of your success and happiness. From a very young age, appreciating a child for his helpful behavior instead of his trendy footwear puts things in perspective for him. Growing up, the child naturally starts associating his self-worth with his goodness of heart and altruistic deeds. He then knows that not owning the right brand does not make him inadequate, but not doing the right thing at the right time could.

What Makes Us Feel Inadequate?

I often wonder why it hurts our self respect to admit our financial inability to afford something. Why is it so important to prove to our social circle that we are as well off as most of them are? And in order to prove this, it is deemed quite acceptable to go to any length imaginable. No wonder the financial sector took good advantage of this human psyche by getting us addicted to the curse of credit card. After all it is a great way of getting almost everything we want whether we can actually afford it or not. And more importantly, no one will find out that it was bought on credit since we did not have to ask any of our family or friends for a loan either. Hence, a win-win situation. Or so it seems.... until much later!

Some would argue that the people around us push us into this rat race as not doing so would make us a social outcast. Probably so! But isn’t the root cause a little deeper than those around us? Forget about others for a minute (if at all possible) and let us simply ask ourselves how we would personally feel attending two consecutive parties (with the same guest list) in the same outfit? Is it not about our own insecurities and lack of self worth way more than what others may think or say about us? Believe it or not, it always is about us. It is simply easier to blame ‘them’ instead!

I have no formal education in psychology so am hardly an expert in the field but I cannot help wondering why we measure our worth with regards to our material possessions rather than base it on our values and virtues, the strength of our character and all that we have learnt from our experiences over the years. Perhaps this is so because it is easier to accumulate all that money can buy. This is the short-cut to feeling successful, as worthy as our colleague/neighbor or a friend. But then where does one draw the line? Exactly how rich is rich enough? How many (and how expensive) party outfits in a season are sufficient to make us feel good about ourselves? Is there really an end to it at all?